The pilot opens and it is Monday morning but 18 year-old Rosie Larsen is missing. At the end of the first episode we find out she is dead: Surprise! I’m being facetious, of course. We know she’s dead going into a series entitled The Killing, however, watching a family go from completely oblivious to pretty worried to nervous-breakdown while awaiting the utter devastation of what we/they know is to come — and for an entire hour! — can be quite the powerful trick, particularly when the acting and the characters are keeping you engaged (and they were). The thing is, her family and friends are not the only lives nearing the looming iceberg-of-no-return here. If anything, our titanic heroine is actually Detective Sarah Linden (Mirielle Enos of Big Love) whose impending retirement from the police force for the valleys of Sonoma and into the arms of her fiance, Rick (Callum Keith Rennie of Battlestar Gallactica), is stopped dead in its tracks and looking less and less likely by the hour of this drama. And by that I really mean hour.

The most clever thing the show’s got going for it is its use of the passage of time. In LOSTian fashion, each hour-long episode represents a day since the disappearance, and death, of Rosie Larsen. The sense of time passing is palpable and adds some marvelous tension to the already numerous conflicts of the drama.

WHAT WE KNOW: Rosie was found dead inside the trunk of a car sunken in a remote lake outside of town, and the car was registered to the campaign to elect Councilman Darren Richmond (the ageless Billy Campbell of Once and Again) for Mayor.  The audience, for one reason or another, is quite privy to the inner workings of this campaign throughout the series and we are rooting for Richmond because the incumbent is an asshole and Richmond is a nice guy who lost his wife under circumstances unknown… but he’s also hiding a secret of some kind and hoping it won’t get out. The last time Rosie was seen was on Friday night at the high school Halloween dance. No one even knew she was missing until Monday afternoon because she was suppose to have spent the rest of the weekend with her best friend Sterling while her family was on a camping trip. Rosie never made it to Sterling’s and she did not tell her where she would be, either. A bloody cardigan was discovered in a field near the lake where her body would later be found, and this lead the detectives to Rosie and her parents.

A few red herrings later, we find out that Sterling had sex with Rosie’s ex-boyfriend and his drug addicted best friend in the high school basement after the dance. It was taped on one of their smart phones and the pervy janitor caught it all live and in living color from a hole in the wall, as well. The cops thought it was Rosie on tape but alas, it was not.

The latest development has been the news of Rosie’s secret trips into the inner-city where she supposedly volunteered at a center at which one of her professors coached the community basketball team. The team is sponsored by none other than… you guessed it: The campaign to elect Darren Richmond for Mayor. Now the professor, Bennett, is young, good looking, married to one of his former student’s who is now pregnant, and wrote Rosie letters which, while technically innocent, seem too secret and personal to be so. Bennett claims he was home remodeling his unborn child’s nursery with the contractors all of that weekend, and that he sent his wife out of town so the fumes wouldn’t affect her or the baby. Turns out that Bennett actually canceled the contractors and that, in that unfinished nursery, he has the same kind of turpentine that was used to clean off Rosie’s body from any DNA evidence when they found her.

What’s my theory? While Bennett sounds convincing, and I wouldn’t doubt if they had an affair, its a bit too obvious. The whole political campaign must certainly be linked somehow considering how many characters are involved in the show and the campaign car and the basketball team, but I don’t know if killing an innocent girl could be worth winning the election, per say. Not in the manner in which she was killed anyway. Did she know something that one of the campaign goonies didn’t want let out? If so it was more so personal than political, if you ask me. So, while this is a very longshot, I want the killer to be Rick, Detective Linden’s boyfriend who is urging her to get on the next plane to Sonoma and drop the case. Nothing actually points to this other than it would be a cool twist that loving her wasn’t the only reason he wanted to pull her away from the case, and also I’m half kidding.

OTHER FACTOIDS:

• Rosie has two little brother’s and an aunt (her mother’s younger sister)
• Rosie’s father used to be some sort of Polish mob hit-man back in the day
• Rosie’s mother is totally shell-shocked
• Darren Richmond is having an affair with his campaign manager (whose father is a Senator)
• The other detective on the case, Holder, just transferred out of the Vice squad and appears to have a drug problem himself
• Detective Linden has a younger son named Jack who is also moving to Sonoma with her

_________________________
EPISODE 6 – THE FACTS:

This past Sunday we found Detective Linden and Detective Holder looking for more on Bennett, Rosie’s teacher, considering their discovery that he lied to them and the contractors never even made it to his house at all. They begin by questioning Bennett’s neighbors hoping that they recall some event from that past Friday night. One man recalls seeing Rosie knocking on Bennett’s door at around 10PM that night until she was finally let in. Linden confronts Bennett about this and he suddenly remembers that she came by to drop off a book she had borrowed from him. Right. He can’t even remember the title. Either way he refuses to let the detectives in without a warrant.

As they leave, Linden reveals her suspicion that Bennett is lying about having seen Rosie at his apartment at all that night. She believes someone else let Rosie in and that Bennett is covering for that person. His wife? Indeed, Linden is right, because a time stamp on a video from the dance shows that Bennett was still there at 10:20PM so he couldn’t have been the one to open the door for Rosie at 10PM.

Linden and partner then have a talk with Bennett’s peeping tom neighbor who reveals that he saw Bennett and a smaller figure (a woman?) carrying out what appeared to be a body rolled up in something and putting it in the trunk of a black car.

Meanwhile, at Rosie’s funeral. Rosie’s father has just discovered that the police’s prime suspect for Rosie’s death is Bennett, and he offers the teacher a ride home in the rain. At the same time, Linden learns of Rosie’s father’s past with the mob and tries to intercept the two at the funeral, but it is too late.

___________

THE THEORIES:

All signs point to Bennett’s pregnant wife having found out about Rosie’s affair, having killed her, and then Bennett coming home and helping his wife cover it up. Linden says this to be the most likely scenario herself, but since we’ve got another six episodes left we know something that she doesn’t: that’s not what happened. I mean, not unless this turns to Law and Order and we spend six episodes prosecuting then. To be honest there aren’t very many other options left nor anyone that looks even mildly appetizing to point the finger at right now. The series has spent three episodes focusing all its energy on Bennett and throwing in Darren Richmond’s problems with his campaign now that its become linked to Rosie’s murder. Still, nothing about the campaign looks particularly fishy.

Truly, the most interesting bit about this episode was Rosie’s aunt’s breakdown post-funeral. First, she gets giddishly nervous when Rosie’s ex-boyfriend’s father (who??) pays his respects to Rosie’s parents at the wake. His reaction to her is to shun her completely and almost uncomfortably at her enthusiasm, at which point she looks deflated. Then, over a music montage at the episode’s end we see her in Rosie’s room sobbing as she plays her records. We’ve learned very little about her character thus far so I’m hoping this leads somewhere because I liked it.

THE BAD STUFF:

A few things here were too convenient for my taste, like how exactly Linden surmised that Bennett was not the one that opened the door for Rosie. His expression was clearly one of shock when approached by the detectives but Linden also appeared to sense confusion from him enough to make this leap. Her partner did not and neither did the audience which puts her wisdom ahead of our own but I still don’t know why she’s so much better at this than the rest of us. In typical AMC fashion its an understated and somewhat slow-moving drama but I feel pretty in the dark about her past aside from a few quips regarding a past case she had also involving a missing girl and nothing more.

Also, the peeping tom saw a body being rolled out in the middle of the night and didn’t tell anybody? He’s a homebody and a tad odd but come on now! Linden doesn’t make a big deal out of him just speaking up about it now either, which was actually what bugged me even more.

Finally, I was a bit irked as well at the convenience of Linden being informed of Rosie’s father’s sinister past just at the moment when that sinister past finally rears its ugly head at the funeral.

THE GOOD STUFF:

All of these contrivances aside, I’m still intrigued by these characters and by the mystery of it all. It’s a big cast and each character handles Rosie’s death in a much different way which is a testament to the writers’ diversity in conceptualizing varying emotions and motives for the same event depending on each character’s internal conflicts and relationship with Rosie. The acting, particularly from Mirielle Enos and from Michelle Forbes (who plays Rosie’s mother) are fantastic in that they don’t need to say much for the audience to understand them.

CONCLUSION:

The Killing is not the best show on TV and certainly not the best show on AMC even, but its definitely worth a watch considering our other options. Plus, we needed a decent serial mystery again! I know I didn’t sell it so well, and I wouldn’t unless it totally deserved it, but I promise its a strong show with plenty of potential. I’ll be back next week with some more theorizing.

BoredBoardwalk Empire
I have a rule which you may or may not recall.  I will give a series 7 episodes to win me over. It might be slow. It might be cheesy. It might be badly acted even. But its my belief that all those things can be resolved with a little elbow grease and talent, if the premise and character intention is good enough. I thought this to be the case with Boardwalk Empire, a series I was immensely excited about for oh so very long. But alas, I could barely sit through Episode 6 and had to terminate my viewership within the first few minutes of Episode 7. The funny thing was I refrained entirely from reading any reviews or viewer reactions on the show while it aired so as not to bias myself away from the honest fact that each episode was unbelievable painful to sit through. I didn’t want to know if others felt differently because, in truth, I feared there might be something wrong with me. How could HBO and Martin Scorcese and the Sopranos people let me down like that? And so, when I finally read the many positive reviews on that it got, I realized there was indeed something wrong with me. Yup, the problem was this: I was a female. Afterall, every positive review was coming from some middle-aged white guy anyway. What an absolute shame to have alienated a female audience the way Boredwalk has from the very beginning. Now, by this I don’t mean that there weren’t enough women characters in the show (trust, I am an OZ and The Wire fan through and through regardless of their male-dominated environments). The problem lies in the show’s tone and conflicts and historical references taking such effort in appealing to and reeling in the male viewership with their gangsters and gritty set design and hookers and dancers and murder and drinking — but no heart. A bunch of degenerates and a couple of mildly ambiguous guys and, worst of all… no stakes! I saw more stakes on plates than in conflict. NONE. What was ever an actual worry or threat here? I never feared for the well-being of anybody worth carrying about on Boardwalk Empire. Maybe the single mother in the pilot episode but… who else? Did any of you?  If you love it or continued watching it, tell me why. I personally could not.

Big Love
I always felt I was the only person watching this show.  It never maintained particularly high ratings or reviews of the kind HBO is accustomed to but it ran for five seasons and had its finale last month the way all shows deserve to, regardless. For those that watched I’d love to hear your thoughts because I’m still kind of confused on how I feel about it myself. (I cried, yes, but that’s not hard to do during a finale when you’ve watched these characters for years and so it doesn’t say much about the story, only about the characters and the always tragic feeling that you’ll be saying goodbye forever.) HERE’S A SPOILER WARNING: Did you think that the show went way too feminist in its finale by offing Bill, considering its positive portrayal of the patriarchal system of plural marriage practiced by the Henricksons all along?  Yes, Barb’s calling for the priesthood was leading us in that direction, and the sister wives were never submissive, but it never seemed to be that important of a theme for the show to me. Suddenly, Bill is gunned down on the street and these three women go on to live their lives “married” to each other for what is presumably forever — except they aren’t gay (“not that there’s anything wrong with that” ahem). Yes, its very sweet and quite interesting but beyond the finale, let’s get real, these three beautiful and strong women are suppose to never going to remarry or leave one another? It was like it didn’t tie in with the grittiness of the series in the way I expected it to. It was too dreamy and fantastical. I didn’t hate the finale, but I didn’t love it either. What I did sure love was the show, and I found its final season to be my favorite with its multiple twists and turns in each episode more than ever before. It was worth sticking through this one and I’ll miss the Henricksons.

Friday Night Lights
I’m not a football fan. Let’s be clear about that. (Did I just lose a few readers?) But man oh man this show just knocked me flat on my face. I didn’t see it coming! Comparing the success of something like the failures of, for example, Boardwalk Empire, is not much of a stretch when you consider the testosterone-heavy implications of a series about football and series about 1930s mobsters. Where that show failed for me, FNL seemed to get it all right. It wasn’t just a show about football or about men or about small towns despite all of these factors being vital to the theme and concept of the show. What FNL managed to do so marvelously was to pull so much heart and universal truth out of their stories and their characters that even when at times you thought you’d seen a similar storylines on 90210, you knew this was not Luke Perry and this was not Beverly Hills, this was Matt Saracen and Dillon Texas, dammit! The final season aired on DirecTV’s 101 channel this winter, however they will air the same season on NBC sometime this summer as well, so if you haven’t gotten on this show yet, do yourself a favor and catch up in time to watch the final season on NBC. Coach Taylor will make you a better person. Promised.

Luther
Oh my! Just finished this one today and I’m obsessed. It’s a BBC series, only six episodes, only one season so far. It’s been picked up for a second round this year and I personally cannot wait to live in his world again. It’s more miniseries than TV show but the procedural elements and bad-guy-of-the-week structure keeps it in a realm somewhere in-between. The serialized storyline between Luther and a certain red-headed she-devil is where the show shines. Idris Elba (Stringer Bell of “The Wire”) is a force and if this show were American he’d have run off with the Emmy hands down. HBO must be dying for having let this guy go. I haven’t seen a single character carry a show on TV like that since — pffft can’t even remember. A close contemporary might be Michael C. Hall’s on Dexter, another anti-hero — but even then, the Luther character runs circles around Dexter. No internal monologue voice-over necessary here. It’s all on Netflix Instant View. Do it.

Californication
Jumped the shark. And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.

Veronica Mars
If you were ever a true Buffy fan, you’re aware of the gaping whole that series left in your heart when it ended. Veronica Mars is the girl you need… or maybe not. It only got three seasons and ended so abruptly that it hurts to think about but, it filled that void for a strong, intelligent, and witty female character and her friends that I’ll always search for outside the Whedonverse. Perhaps not everyone’s cup of tea, but I can’t think of a good reason why not. A detective, a bad ass, a smart ass, and easy on the eyes to boot. Also on Netflix Instant View in it’s entirety.

The Killing
This is the newest show on AMC and very much worth watching. I will be following up this post with a review on the first five episodes after Sunday night’s airing. It’s Twin Peaks meets Law and Order SVU meets 24. All episodes are available on he AMC website. Stay tuned!

Stuck in the middle with you (AMC)

Whether it was tobacco, SCDP, or fat little boys… it seemed as if though everyone had been forced to quit something on the latest episode of Mad Men. The word “quit” has such a negative connotation, though, doesn’t it? The little white flag. The surrender. The defeat. No one likes to be a quitter. Still… something about going gentle into the good night can also be a sign of softer, sweeter times. And who doesn’t need that around the offfice?

Episodes like this one remind me of how glad I am to have the patience and good sense to sit down, watch, absorb, ponder-on, and love this gem of a series. I’ve brought it up before, and I’ll bring it up again: people think Mad Men is slow and boring. But why? Because every line doesn’t deliver another twist in the story?? Right, except it does! Sure, it just doesn’t tell you right away what the twist actually is — that comes later — but every word spoken by every character is of the utmost importance to their state of mind and what their intentions are and the secrets they are hiding. [See: Sally's game of GO FISH with her psychiatrist: "Do you have any threes?... Do you have any jacks?" What's on her mind?] After all, the characters are what this entire show is about. Sure, its about the 60s and advertising and modernity and feminism and fashion, but more than anything else its about a specific group of people in a specific moment in time.

In the same way that Lost treated every single prop, revelation, conversation, picture, color, and number into some clue into the secrets of the Island, Mad Men treats each and every word spoken and look given with the same clandestine intentions, as cryptic peeks into the subconscious and conscious desires of the characters which will ultimately reveal to us where they will all end up. After all, this is a period piece, and unlike LOST or House or Friends (which take place in the here and now), deep down we are all slightly aware that their future is still our past, and therefore, already decided for.

Don Draper

Life imitating art imitating life (AMC)

Is he back?? We’ve had glimpses of hope interwoven with the chaos this season, as Don strutted around like his shit didn’t stink, but it was forced. Anything successful was a fluke, or some desperate move that worked on a desperate target: impressionable young girls that still wanted him; a spark of genius that he could use to win a clueless client over. Whatever. None of us really bought it. No one really thought he was “back”. If anything, the brief moments of triumph for Don this season only further reminded us of how few and far between they had become.

But in this week’s episode I felt something turning over. Not forever and suddenly, and not an ending to anything… but in fact, its more like a beginning. The beginning of a much more reflective group of people in a much less secretive world.

• A more accepting view of psychologists and psychiatrists
• Smoking as a health hazard
• Problematic drug addiction and prostitution in the NYC art scene (15 years from then this will result in the AIDS virus)

Don, obviously, made quite the bold little move posting that ad in the New York Times, but I back him up. Not because it was morally or politically progressive, because obviously it was only a marketing stunt. No, I back him up because it was innovative. Progressive within his field. I knew some of the partners wouldn’t be okay with this but I did not expect them all to pin him against the wall. Don said it best to the partners:

“If you don’t understand this ad, then you don’t understand this business.“

Or something like that. And hey, now the American Cancer Society wants them! That’s one more client that they didn’t have before he put the ad out. Of course, good old Peggy backs Don up as well. Not to mention Megan. (Oh women, we’re such suckers for the mavericks.) Weeks after Peggy and Don’s night of fighting and crying and bonding in “The Suitcase“, I’m elated at how these two have honestly and officially found a stable, warm, and respectful place for each other both professionally and personally. It stands apart from every other kind of relationship on the show as it seems all relationships are in endless cycles of morphing, blossoming, or ending. I would have been gravely disappointed if a moment as profound as that had turned out to be nothing but fluff. I absolutely HATE when shows make is seems as if though two characters have transcended into a new relationship, only to tear them apart over something ridiculous an episode or two later.

Also, kudos all around to Don for putting up Pete’s $50,000 (i.e. approximately $336,000 in 2010). After everything Pete did for him, it was such a pleasure to see that despite Don’s harsh and demanding persona, he is not always as selfish as he comes off. He never thanked Pete for sacrificing his professional credibility for him two episodes back. Pete’s raising of the glass when Lane gives him the news, and Don’s stoic nod was a classic Mad Men moment.

Betty and Sally Draper

Welcome to the Dollhouse, anyone? (AMC)

Jesus, Betty! If Don weren’t still such a mess I’d be begging for her to get hit by a Coupe Cadillac DeVille and forcing the kids to switch legal guardianship! That entire conversation with the CHILD psychiatrist in the opening scene of the episode was mortifying to watch. What a vapid and moronic woman. I’ve mentioned a few times this season how the writers seem to purposely be placing her as Sally’s equal instead of Sally’s mother, on an emotional level, but after this episode it became clear that Sally’s emotional intelligence had far surpassed her mothers. The realization was heartbreaking, infuriating, and humorous all at the same time.

The ultimate thing that got my blood boiling, however, was the vindictive nonchalance with which Betty announces that they should move during dinner. They should have moved ages ago, you bitch! When Sally was practically begging you to! But now that Sally is happy, and Betty is still a miserable wench, she purposely and maliciously announces that they are moving. I so wanted to shove her face into that pot of spaghetti and turn the stove on. Disgusting. Oh and just before that scene, Sally’s deadpan response to Betty regarding Glenn was so perfect:

Betty: “You don’t know him like I do!“
Sally: “You don’t know him at all.“

Also, Sally Draper should have been my BFF in the 5th grade when, one day in the cafeteria, I questioned the implications of infinity on my The Laughing Cow cheese wheel, yet no one seemed to grasp its importance. My brain still hurts.

Mad Men 1990: Sally Draper becomes youngest ever to win Nobel Prize in Physics. Thanks an unknown "Glen" in speech.

This Week’s Theme

I caught two prevalent themes woven throughout this week’s episode:

• Quitting (as mentioned)
• How to “date” your client (not just your, ahem, staff)

As discussed earlier in this post, I think all the different things that were “quit” in this episode may have set us in the direction of a new horizon. I’m still not sure what it is. Not necessarily good, just different.

When I say “date your client” I’m talking about Don and his best girl, Tobacco. He got dumped by  American Tobacco, and his ego was shot. So, since he’s on the rebound, he tries to get back out there again, by getting “a date” with Marlboro, as he calls it at the meeting. Marlboro, in turn, stands him up. Double burn. So now he’s twice as pissed off and twice as rejected. And what does a scorned man do? He gets revenge. By taking out a page ad in the New York Times, and telling all tabacco companies to suck it forever and ever, Amen. Megan says something to the effect of Don making it look like he “dumped them before they dumped [him]” and that it was smart. I agree. It was yet another stroke of genius. The best love songs are written about heartbreak, are they not? We know Don is a man who gets what he wants, and that he doesn’t bode well with rejection. It would appear that translates over into his professional life as well.

That’s all I have to say for tonight. Still not sure if the new SCDP ship will sink for good but the idea that we could be referring to Season 4 as the “SCDP Season” is not very comforting.

Dexter tries to find his next victim's next victim (Showtime)

Whoa… this was a major major cop out if they stay away. Dexter’s known them for FOUR years and he’s been more of a father to them than that other biological scumbag ever was! They barely know their grandmother (which by the way is a different actress!) and I don’t recall there having been a grandfather ever in the picture. So, double retcon? The simple fact the writers would go as far as retconning the grandparents into existence makes me suspect that perhaps Astor and Cody are truly gone forever…

I don’t watch promos or trailers so I speak from a completely virgin place — and please no spoilers — but I thought this season would be about Dexter finally gaining some stability and the larger challenge of having inherited a family with no mother which would leave much less time for work (and I’m not talking about being a Blood Analyst). I thought this would at last force him to make a real choice instead of splitting all his time up, now with Rita gone. Sure, he’s got Harrison but he’ll probably just find him a babysitter and randomly pop in at night to put him to bed. LAME.

And Astor’s reason for leaving is that Dexter reminds her of the happy times too much? Don’t get me wrong, it’s a brilliant excuse for writers that want to get rid of the kids… but it’s still just a way to write them off instead of sticking with what they got themselves into. Writing off the ENTIRE family is too brutal and too quick of a switch, and has me wondering if the show may not suffer for it. What would Dexter’s conflict be about anymore if he’s got all his free time and space back?

On a brighter note, the writing is pretty funny this season. This week’s episode had more witty one-liners than any other I can recall:

• “You sure have a lot of beer, Aunt Deb.”
• “I just ate a whole tuna casserole to make room in the apartment.”
• “We’re trying to figure out why Trinity may have targeted your wife?” — “Uh……. because he’s a serial killer?”
• “Someone strangled this raccoon somewhere else and dropped it here.” — “He’s CSI-ing me?”
• “Alright… we had sex.”

Or how about when Elliot, the neighbor, comes over and starts rambling on about being a single dad, and Dexter drops all the knives on the floor, kneeling there and holding the butcher’s knife up to him as Elliot’s speech goes on and on.

Of course, aside from Dexter, everyone else has got me bored to death. Like, seriously, who cares about LaGuerta’s secret savings fund? HAHAHA. It’s laughable to think anyone would be waiting for next week’s episode just for the continuation of that storyline. I mentioned last week how Dexter’s relationship with Trinity’s family might come back to bite him in the ass and sure enough… sketch art!

Oh yeah, the new bad guy? Is that what he is? His name is Boyd (played by Shawn Hatosy of Southland) and he picks up road kill for a living. Except it appears he also cuts bitches up and dumps them in the everglades. Could there be a link between his victims and the supposedly gang-related murders that Deb and Quinn are investigating? I kind of hope not. They always do that, don’t they? I’m from Miami, and there are not serial killers down there, yet in four years there have been five killers? Come now o_O

“I don’t want to make another mistake.” – Don, to Megan

_______________________________________________________________________________

Pete ponders a future with SCDP and a family (AMC)

Arghhhhh! Why?!? Where to even begin… What’s wrong with you people? When are you going to self implode already? I’m so grossed out right now at the thought of these characters living and working in their own filth for so long and fully aware of it, yet continuing to roll around in it. Roger is trying to get back with Joan, married again, but with a different wife than the first time he tries dicking her around. Don is sleeping with yet ANOTHER woman working “beneath” him, making three just this season and just inside SCDP! Disgusting. Oh and Stan trying his luck with Peggy for a second failed sexual advance! How hard is it to just keep your dick in your pants, gentlemen? Take yourselves a little more seriously.

We wonder why Lucky Strike is pulling out, do we? Bert Cooper said it best in that line to Roger. After all, American Tabacco are the only men pulling out of anything around here, if you know what I mean.

Don Draper (+Faye Miller)

Back to his old antics, hard as he may try not to. In my opinion, however, he’s just not trying hard enough. Oh no no, I am not giving him a pass simply because Megan threw herself at him. Not anymore than giving him a pass for being drunk and throwing himself on every 20-something in heels all season. Why? Firstly, because he’s a grown ass man who should know better. And secondly, because now he’s cheated on Faye, too! This is what I mean by “old antics”: serial infidelity. Being a whore in the workplace is bad enough but repeatedly cheating on women.

When we met Don he was a high up ad exec and family man turned playboy with the world at his fingertips — and now, he’s what? Some divorced shmuck at a small-and-getting-smaller ad company with nothing ahead of him but more whoring around and drinking? Seriously, what sustainable good could possibly be coming Don’s way right now? Not at the rate he or anyone else is going. I can’t help but wonder: how will it all end?

Last week I expressed how disappointed I was to learn that Joan, the Big Red herself, had donned (no pun intended) her own scarlet letter! And this week, Don and Megan? I’m not disappointed in the show per say, but in the characters. Let’s get something clear, I am of the opinion that adultery is much more natural than Americans like to believe. Not to say it’s not wrong, just not as rare. But once everyone has committed the same sin, and well-knowing it, it all becomes a bit much. And its with the utmost lack of respect and regard for their respective partners, as well.

Oh Faye. Week after week I kept saying there was something about her I just didn’t like and couldn’t put my finger on… and here it is: she chose Don. While the women of the world have realized that Don is an asshole (asking Faye to break her ethical and professional code like it’s nothing?!?) Faye stayed behind. Perhaps it’s not her fault, but perhaps it is. She’s seen how he treats women and she’s seen how he drinks and behaves. This is a time when women are supposed to be finding their independence and Faye… she’s simply not there with them. Not like Stephanie who rejects him, the Nurse neighbor who nurses him, Alison who puts him in his place, or even Megan who takes matters into her own hands and doesn’t expect much in return (more on that later). Faye did what Don asked of her even when Don himself knew it was a royally dick move. Sure she may have said “no” in the past, but it was only because she already had a boyfriend. It’s not as if he won her over with his charms, she was just rebounding. But she’s loyal, I’ll definitely give her that. I kind of feel bad for her ignorance since the audience knows more than she about Don’s past, but its not enough to gain my respect either.

Roger (+ Joan)

One of the most fascinating and unique, albeit confusing, things about Mad Men for me, has been the way the passing of time is treated. Between episodes there may have been a week, a month, or a season. Between television seasons it could be years. And so, it would appear that between last week and this week, the entire month that Lee Garner, Jr. had given to Roger to get his shit together at SCDP has gone by. WHAT? So basically Roger just sat back and watched it all crumble out of fear.

What does this tell us about Roger? About his approach to impending doom? This is not the Roger that had a heart attack and realized life was too short to do nothing so he divorced his wife and ran off with Don’s secretary. What happened to that Roger? Has he now come to realize that what he did, accomplished nothing? That you can’t prevent impending doom, only delay it? Is that what he think he has done by marrying Jane? Obviously, I think the answer to these questions is YES. The rebirth of his infatuation and love for Joan is a return from another lifetime when he was happy and himself with her, not from a place of new adventures and keeping a young wife satisfied. It would appear that Roger is one of the first men on Mad Men to realize that things were better off once upon a time, and that they wont be as easy as they once were for much longer.

But good Old Joanie comes back to save him from himself, or at least when it comes to them. Then again, she realized he was not the man he once was. Just the way Don is not the man he was when we first met.

“I am not a solution to your problems. I’m another problem.”

Brilliant line! I knew she was no serial cheater. She’s so loyal, and smart and good. And as it turns out they only had sex that one time under the subway stairs!

Peggy (+Abe)

Peggy finally meets her match and lets go (AMC)

LOVE! Real love! Young, happy, wholesome, honest to God, love! Can it be? Could two people really have found somebody to love without being in other relationships, or living in a world of lies? I just don’t imagine Peggy or Abe cheating or lying to each other from here on in. If anything, Peggy will prioritize work over her relationship with him like she did with Mark but, then again she didn’t care about Mark the way she does about Abe. With her its always been about getting married and showing to her family and her co-workers that she could have it all. And its not just them who doubted Peggy… I think we did, too.

And now she’s really fallen in love. That opening scene of Abe dressing to go and Peggy wrapped in a sheet practically begging him to stay with her eyes, and him asking her to say it. Oh, young love! I have nothing else to say except “Good luck!” I really want this to work. Someone needs to be happy around here! No seriously, I’m all about conflict and what-not but its getting ridiculous.

P.S. Funniest rejection ever! “Well, thanks! I’m not anxious anymore.” Oh, Stan, silly boy.
P.P.S. What a PRO! Winning over Playtex with a risque idea that the execs don’t even see — and with lipstick on he teeth. I love how she just laughs it off when she realizes Stan set her up.

Pete Campbell

After being dragged out of the hospital where his wife is giving birth, then back to the hospital and given the guilt trip by his mother-in-law, then back to the office to handle calls with the clients and get told by Don to go back to the hospital because “its obviously what matters to you“. Then back to the hospital to get very convincingly swooned by Ted Shaw, a partner at CGC.

[*Nickelodeon Throwback Night: Larisa Oleynik, star of the classic series The Secret World of Alex Mack, stars as Ken Cosgrove's fiance at dinner --- plus Joe O'Connor comes back as Trudy's father, formerly the father on Clarissa Explains It All.)

[*What is Fibber McGee and Molly? Don tells the Glo Coat exec on the phone:

"That commercial was the first successful strategy you've been near since you sponsored Fibber McGee and Molly!"

You can read up on it here: Fibber McGee and Molly, but basically it was a radio show from the 30s. Quite the humorous little reference, after-the-fact, hehe.]

This Week’s Theme

Don’t let business become life. Everything about the episode screamed this theme. Right down to the Playtex ad.

“It’s about the meaningful life a woman leads when work is done.”

• Don sleeps with another co-worker, turning business into pleasure.
• Roger focuses on winning Joan over when at work instead confessing to SCDP about Lucky Strike which leads to losing them.
• Faye gives up a client against her professional ethics in order to please her new boyfriend, Don.
• Pete allows work to take him from the birth of his firstborn child.
• Peggy sleeps with her boyfriend at work and gets all horny at the creative meeting leading the boys to get the wrong idea.
• Cosgrove abruptly leaves dinner with the soon-to-be in-laws in order to attend to a business matter.

The episode ends with both Roger and Jane/Don and Faye sitting on their couches at their respective homes, with the women all curled up into their lover’s arms, believing that they are their knight in shining armor. Their chink? Minimal. And certainly strong enough to protect them the way they always dreamed their knight would. Oh little do they know… chivalry is dying.

You can't tell but Roger isn't sitting, he's on his knees (AMC)

It’s. Going. Down.

That’s all I kept thinking throughout this week’s episode of Mad Men. Either Don or Roger or Joan or Lane or Pete or SCDP itself were going to fall apart. There was this freaky vibe that things were simply coming undone. And with all the characters that were involved (despite a missing Peggy), it felt that much more urgent!

I loved this episode more than any other yet this season. It wasn’t because of it’s sheer mastery or anything but — because I’m a masochist — for its suspense and how much it just caught me off-guard considering that all the events which put me in such suspense should have been more than expected already, by both myself and the characters.

If you’re living under a false name at the pinnacle of the Cold War, you might get caught.

If you’re having impromptu midnight sexcapades under the subway stairs in Harlem and off your birth control, you might get pregnant.

Or how about, if you tell your British father that you’re leaving your family for a “Chocolate Bunny”, he might bash your skull in.

We should have seen the blows coming. Literally.  Life catches up with you. You can only run for so long…

Don Draper

Seeing Don nearly crap his pants in fear this week was an even more surreal and unsettling experience than watching him break down crying in front of Peggy or get rejected by Faye and Pheobe-the-neighbor-nurse this season. Not everyone is going to want to sleep you and, yeah, who doesn’t need a good cry every once in a while? But fear is that one thing that a man should never project. Throwing up because you are so scared that you need to go home and hide? WHO EVER THOUGHT DON DRAPER WOULD COME TO THIS?

It’s so odd to think about, I can’t even discuss it  much longer. Cringe! Not even if it had been Tony Soprano would it have been this much of a shock because Tony was always a little vulnerable with his anxiety attacks and what-not. But Don… Don on the other hand… well, he might as well been a cartoon character when we met him back 1960. We knew people like that didn’t really exist but goddamn he made it look so believable, you just wanted to believe! Didn’t you? Yet he still somehow turns up the hero, getting those Beatles tickets for Sally at the last minute. Which, by the way, how scary was it to think he’d let her down, too? The writers did an amazing job putting that mini conflict in the episode because considering his family life, not getting those tickets would have been almost as big as having his identity discovered by the government!

And so the anti-hero is the pseudo-hero yet again when, by the episode’s conclusion, he’s also gotten Pete to throw himself under the bus for him somehow. Unbelievable. (Made Pete 100 times more redeemable of a character, by the by!) And then that look Don gave to Megan in the closing shot. I literally wanted to throw up. What. A. Creep! Why am I still so shocked? After everything that just happened, and everything that’s been happening since the beginning! Oh, what: He sees Megan as some mothering figure now that she’s (1) consoled Sally, (2) gotten her the Beatles tickets? Even that is his own bullshit. As Pete puts it:

“Why do they have to bring everyone else down with them?… No one knows except the honest people who have to pick up the pieces.”

Okay, fine, who is Pete calling honest here: himself? It’s a little laughable, of course, but by the time he blames himself at the partner’s meeting to cover Don’s ass, you’ve got to give it to him that he’s not far off.

Joan and Roger

Joan contemplates her third abortion (AMC)

I’ve been putting some attention this season on how little the show has brought up Jane, Roger’s secretary-turned-wife, or shown her this season. But with the rekindling of love between Joan and Roger it would seem we have an answer as to why. I wanted to believe that Roger was happily-ever-after with Jane for so many reasons. First, because I like him so much and wanted him to be happy. Secondly, because I thought Joan was too loyal to ever reciprocate and smart enough to leave well enough alone. Thirdly, I wanted to believe that it was possible to get over wanting to be with someone when all that ever stood in the way was timing and circumstance. But most of all, it was that I didn’t want to believe that anyone else on this show would cheat. Not again. Not everyone! This makes Don, Betty, Pete, Peggy, Lane, Joan, and Roger all cheaters. Every last one of them, adulterous. Casual infidelity is a theme I’ve been working on in my own writing lately, and something I’ve always been creepily attracted to in film (i.e. Woody Allen, Adrian Lyne) and I have to actively fight my urges not to cheer it on so often that when I actually convince myself otherwise, it feels like a failure if the characters do so anyway. Don’t you just want some of these characters to be stronger than yourself sometimes? Sigh.

But alas, here you have it. It’s official that Roger and Joan have started an affair. I would be simply shocked if Joan had an abortion for a THIRD time in her mid 30′s with the looming possibility that she may become a widow in the very near future. Honestly, its stupid. We all know how much she wants a child, and while she wants a family even more, I don’t think its enough. So, its my opinion that she did not go through with the abortion. We’ll see what happens but I think Roger’s idea of her having it and going on as if though it were Greg’s, whether he comes back from Vietnam or not, was a fabulous idea. If she didn’t have the abortion, however, why wouldn’t she just tell Roger if he approves of the idea? Oh, I don’t know. She’d just be such a moron for going through with it! And you know how partial I am to Joan, I couldn’t imagine her going so much against her own heart. Okay, I’m moving on…

Lane Pryce

Lane in Love (AMC)

I’ve been such a Lane supporter since his introduction and I’m not sure just why but maybe its because he’s so… average. In that good way (not that Faye, way). He’s just a guy with no huge secrets, unlike so many of his co-workers, but with still enough heart, soul, and ambition that the relatableness factor gets amped up into overdrive. And you know us Americans, we can’t resist the charm of a good British accent.

Unfortunately, Lane is also not as strong as all these manipulative, cheating, sacks of advertisement shtick walking around SCDP. We knew this, no surprise there. But watching it play out: OUCH. Of course we love him even more for being so “progressive” and falling for a Black woman and being so darn cute about it, too, which makes it that much more difficult to watch him get kicked around on his “Hands and Knees” (as the episode is so appropriately titled). Will he really be moving back to England? Will he be convincing his family to come back? It sounded as though the father found the latter to be a possibility as well, so lets hope for that because Sterling Cooper Draper Campbell just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce

And speaking of that nice long name — looks like our characters aren’t all that’s falling apart at the seams. They just lost (1) Lucky Strike, (2) North American Aviation, and (3) possibly Lane Pryce! Are they bankrupt?!? Take a moment to consider that. Remember the episode where they reveal that Lucky Strike is 60%+ of revenue? Without them they are done. Finito. Toast. I think this season will end with lots of desperation, as if we hadn’t gotten enough of that already between Peggy, Don, and even that disgusting Duck cameo. Keep your fingers crossed, kiddies!

This Weeks Theme

“Somebody help! I didn’t see it coming!” Yup. Like I said up top, we all should have foreseen these consequences. The only blow that really came from left field was Lucky Strike dumping SCDP, but everything else was just a ticking time bomb. Don begging not to be uncovered as if he’d never planned or thought of the possibility although he’s built a huge life based on lies. Joan begging Roger for an answer of which he gives her several, and she’s still unsatisfied. Lane begging his father to accept his decision and then just begging for him not to crush his hand. Let’s not even get into Roger literally pleading to that scumbag Lee Garner, Jr.: “Please, I’m begging you.” Desperate times call for desperate bitching and moaning, apparently. They all look like kids who don’t know how to wipe their own asses right about now, and if they don’t get their shit together… the USS Blankenship will only have been the first ship to sink.

Goodbye, I'm Sorry. (Showtime)

After a somewhat disappointing premiere week (Bones – meh; Boardwalk Empire – good but not great yet; The Event – suckage; House – whatever) the return of Dexter last night finally got me feeling the September buzz!

The season opener finds Dexter Morgan in a sea of guilt and confusion over his wife Rita’s unjust murder by whom we all assume to be last year’s Trinity Killer, Arthur Mitchell. But he’s not drowning, he’s slowly rowing along and further away in that disconnected way Dexter does. The guilt comes from the fact that, as Dex puts it:

“This would have never happened if I had just killed Trinity from the beginning.”

Touché! But Dexter’s guilt looks different from the average person’s. Sort of. He appears to be more shocked more than sorrowful, which can happen to the average “human”, but it was the lack of emotion that stood out here.  Of course there was the typical dose of self-punishment we expect from the guilt-ridden with Dexter’s choice to separate himself from Cody and Astor – thinking he is not good enough for them and that he deserves to be alone – but what was most shocking was his sloppiness. Ironically, the one time that he didn’t kill the victim, the police are starting to believe that he did. He tells the police “it was me”, he evades the FBI, he acts guilty, he doesn’t come up with extravegant but believable lies… all very atypical for Dexter.

Dexter looks on from the human side (Showtime)

But the audience recognizes this change as Dexter finally suffering. If he were okay about things he’d still be functioning like the killer he is and covering up his tracks and anything that could lead to him as a suspect. Of course, he didn’t kill Rita, but he does know who did and has a relationship with the Trinity’s family, and so I wonder if this season of Dexter will have Dexter taking a more laissez faire approach and, out of his own guilt, allowing the police/FBI investigate freely without any interference from him… because he deserves it? This would be a fascinating twist and would add a new depth to Dexter’s character. One of more self-recognition other than the usual “I’m not normal” or “I’m a monster”.

Although Dexter has always been aware of his “Dark Passenger” he has never expressed any belief that he should be punished for the people that he killed. The only thing he’s ever felt badly for is having to lie to the people he loves as a result. But now his Dark Passenger has cost him his wife. It’s true that if he hadn’t made himself so vulnerable to Trinity, because he had “learn more from him“, and then actively crusaded to kill him, Rita would be alive. Or would she?

Does anyone else think that “Trinity did it” is easier said than proven? I could be way off here but, what if Elliot, the adulterous neighbor, did it? What if Dexter at some point found out that it wasn’t Trinity after all? He’d supposedly be absolved of his guilt but at the same time he’d have suffered and contemplated his choice to be a killer because, after all, it is a choice.

Dexter kills in cold blood! (Showtime)

And speaking of being a killer – Dexter killed a non-killer! That hick in the public bathroom was the worst kind of dickhead imaginable and its even very possible that he had killed before, but Dexter didn’t know that… and he murdered him in cold blood. I was so incredibly shocked when Dexter smashed his face in with that anchor-hook! Was anyone else? Even more shocking was that the imaginary ghost of his father, Harry,  approved and near-congratulated Dexter for it! Isn’t this against the code?!?! As the great Omar from The Wire used to say “Every man’s gotta have a code.” If Dexter loses that, he’s no better than any of the other serial killer pieces of garbage that he’s killed. Five years ago, Dexter successfully got us cheering on a serial killer, which not an easy task, but the biggest factor in this was not even Dexter’s hidden heart of gold, but his code. He was a vigilante, not too different from the Batman we’ve idolized for decades, so without a code, what is Dexter?

Eventually he breaks down. AN ABSOLUTE FIRST! He yells and weeps and screams and smashes the ground, which was so heartbreaking considering what he’d just done in that bathroom and all he’d just been through. After everything Dexter thinks he is, it’s always him whose been the last to know that he’s a caring and loving person. He’s insisted for years that his family and friends don’t know who he really is because they don’t know what he’s done but I know that’s not true and I think we all do. Do you think that people who don’t know your biggest secret don’t know you at all? And if you’ve never told anyone your biggest secret does that mean no one knows you? I sure hope not. I think we all want Dexter to see that he actually does have a heart and that “humanity” isn’t so black and white. It’s not too late to find that out and to stop thinking of his role as father/brother/friend/co-worker as the mask he wears to hide the killer inside. Who he is to his friends and family is who he is  — and the fact that he’s a serial killer is just a part of him the way that being addicted to Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream and Brooklyn Lager before bed is for me. As sinful as I know it is, it doesn’t define me as a person even if no one knew it until now, and even though its probably important that I give it up. Dexter’s got a similar lesson to learn, except with, you know… bodies and murder and stuff.

What’s next this season? Whose going to be the Big Bad? As per my own “code”, I don’t watch any previews or sneak peeks so I’m totally in the dark but I’m so intrigued since I think there might be a very significant change taking place inside Dexter — it must for the show to conclude one day. Like I say about Don Draper (Mad Men), our protagonist doesn’t have to eradicate all his inner demons by the series conclusion, he simply has to try and to learn something along the way even if its not enough. Even if he never makes it out triumphant, we must see the journey and we see the failure… but you can’t fail if you don’t try. Dexter has been trying, but not enough, and so I hope this season will be the moment to break through.

Extras

As you may may know, I’m not particularly a fan of most of the supporting characters on the show and I find that to be its greatest weakness so I won’t be discussing them very much, but, for what its worth…

• Does Debra have to sleep with everyone?? Every season she’s ripping someone’s clothes off or falling in love with someone else. She’s both slutty and a relationship addict. And then she’s always crying about it. She is the Tara (True Blood) or Dexter.
• LaGuerta’s reasoning for not wanting to investigate Rita’s murder was stupid — not wanting to ruin her wedding day? I thought it was going to be something more benevolent than that like not wanting their feelings to get in the way of the investigation or something.
• If anyone saw The Expendables last month, you may understand why its impossible to watch Batista (played by former OZ star, David Zayas) considering he should win every Razzie under the sun for that performance.
• How beyond inappropriate is Matsuka’s opening joke about imagining “Rita naked but not like this” at the crime scene? That wasn’t even funny, it was totally unlikeable and really cut the tension of the scene for which there was no need since the episode had just started. Also, he’s the one who originally jumped to the possibility that Dexter may have done this when he spills the beans about Rita and the neighbor’s kiss and Dex’s knowledge of it. Aren’t these people his friends?
• Quinn is the new Sargent Doakes, but why do we need another Sargent Doakes? I mean, seriously he’s the same exact character isn’t he? Only difference being that Doakes was smart enough not to put his penis between that used-up spot between Deb’s legs!
• I always liked Rita. She was the one supporting character I enjoyed coming back to. The only one ever… and now she’s gone. Goodbye Rita. We all know that no one will ever replace you and that Dexter may very well be alone for a long time. Please come back frequently in flashbacks and dreams! (Not likely unless Julie Benz’ No Ordinary Family gets canceled.)

Next week, Single Daddy Dexter! Will Deb really take over as surrogate mother? Ugh, I pray to a world of NO.

Miserable girls of all shapes and sizes (AMC)

So, can we say funniest Mad Men episode, ever? No I’m serious, its never been this funny. Also, very very very un-Don-centric which was surprisingly welcome. We’d had just enough perpetual disaster and then “recovery” and then… is he really any better (?) stuff lately. I mean, I loved every minute of it but it was the perfect time for lack of Don insight, only to return next week with some major developments. Good call, writer’s room!

Before I get to discussing each character I’d also like to say that the final elevator shot of Joan, Peggy, and Faye (the redhead, brunette, and blond, respectively) and those lonely lovesick looks on each one of them… CLASSIC. Those are really the kind of moments I hope Mad Men will be remembered for when its all over: the pain mixed in with the almost comical.

Don Draper

Let’s get him out of the way, shall we? And speaking of, he sure got sex with Faye out of the way after all the b.s. about not being ready, too, eh? I’m not quite sure what the point was of having him say that in one episode and then starting the next episode with the two waking up together without any intended irony. Any thoughts? I assume the writers are trying to tell us that he’s treating her differently from the Alisons and Bethanys and Stephanies of late but it still doesn’t make sense for them to have him say that and having him fail without emphasizing that it was in fact a failure. They treated it very naturally. I mean, shouldn’t we at least have seen how they came to sleep together after what he said? They even showed it in the “Previously on Mad Men” intro. If you disagree I’d love to hear why you think this was done!

The rest was in regards to his relationship with Faye and Sally. More specifically his attempt to turn his relationship with each of them into a relationship with each other. And why? Because they are girls?! It’s been quite a few episodes since they’ve alluded to the earlier theme this season of “being old fashioned” but I think this is a great example of Don being just that. Of Don thinking that men cannot relate to women and women cannot relate to men a well as they can relate to each other (more later on how the women think the exact opposite)… even if they are total strangers! But wait, we know how much he values his close relationship with Peggy and surely its largely due to their similarities so, what gives? What gives is that Don doesn’t much think of Peggy as a woman — simply an “extension of himself” (you know, like Adam’s rib!) But worse, and more sexist even, is that he thinks women (even ones without children) have a better sense for another person’s children, even more than their own father! Now this doesn’t make Don a bad person, and I’m not saying it to criticize him in any sinful way, but it does show us how men of his generation thought about these things. My father is not American but he is in his 70s and therefore a man of Don’s generation, and I know he never felt as comfortable talking to me about my misbehavior as he did with my brother. Mainly that was left up to my mother. To this day he will not ask if there’s a problem unless I come to him with it, probably just out of not knowing how to approach it, as opposed to being the strict protective father that many of my friends with younger parents are used to. In this way, I can understand Don’s standoffish-ness, but unlike Don, my dad was not a man hoping to succeed in the modernity-driven advertising business or trying to start a new life and/or family in 1960s New York. Don’s in big trouble.

Joan Harris

I’m not quite sure much needs to be said about her behavior this episode, as it was quite simple. We’ve known for a long time that she’s less than satisfied with her personal life. We know she wanted a successful husband which would allow her to both be a housewife and a mother without financial or societal insecurity. Unfortunately, she “fell in love” with the wrong aspiring doctor, and whether she ever really fell in love with him or just loved the idea of him is hard to say but, certainly, if she did not think he would have a Dr. in front of his name she wouldn’t have agreed to marry him.

Anyway, now she’s childless, back at a job that she hates (though she didn’t used to hate it, she certainly does now), and her husband is being sent off to Vietnam. To say that things did not go according to plan is putting it mildly. She’s distraught for her husband, for the possibility that she may have to think of herself as a widow, the chance of ever having children (its too late to start over) — so in her panic she sleeps with fucks Roger. It is what it is. I wrote two weeks about their ship having sailed, and their timing being off, and that still stands. All this episode did was remind us how much worse off they are because not only are they unable to fully let go of what they lost in each other, but now they’ve both cheated on their spouses. Whether this will affect either one of them seems unlikely to me. They are two of the strongest and most forward-thinking characters on the show and for them to dwell on this and feel guilt over it is unlikely. Now, whether they will try to regain what they once lost in one another, is another story. Certainly Roger appeared open about his feelings. Do you think this will come to anything else? I wouldn’t be so quick to say that this is their last sexual romp…

Peggy Olsen

He came back! Kissing Closet Boy came back! Just last week I lamented my then-apparently incorrect belief that he had to return, so you can imagine my excitement when he (Abe) walked into the bar and onto my screen. Yay! Regarding their conversation, I didn’t quite understand what Peggy got so upset about when Abe jokingly replied to her anecdotes on sexism in the workplace:

“Alright, Peggy. We’ll have a civil rights march for women.”

Yes, sexism was bad back then but Peggy was trying to compare it in equal measure to the racism of the times and it just wasn’t. I know it can be stupid to compare evils but logically-speaking women not being able to join country clubs is not equally as serious as being forced to sit at the back of the bus, or attend a public school, or being mobbed and having your life threatened simply for straying for being Black. Either way, Abe didn’t fight her on it, he just made a little joke. Emphasis on the little. It was more like a comedic shrug. Her reaction was unfair. I didn’t realize how empowered yet, at the same time insecure, Peggy felt about being a female copywriter. To say that it would be as easy for a Black man to “fight his way” into her shoes the way she did is pompous and, frankly, incorrect. And then, the poor guy is so distraught about Peggy taking offense that he tries on her proverbial hat, heels, and purse, and goes on to write an article in defense of her very point! Yet again she treats Abe badly, and never even thanks him. Understandable that she wouldn’t want the piece published but to be that rude to him… twice? No, Peggy. Bad, Peggy.

Faye Miller

Here’s a character I’m not particularly excited about. I mean she’s fine: smart, pretty, sociable, kind. Nothing really wrong with her except… that there’s nothing really wrong with her! I’m used to characters with several layers of depth (i.e. Joan, Peggy). And if its a character that’s just honestly themselves most of the time (i.e. Roger, Pete) they’re either funny or arrogant or confused or some other trait that makes them worth watching. What does Faye really have going for herself? She’s just herself and might have a few issues about not having kids, and she had some ex-boyfriend that she kicked out, and she wears a wedding ring to ward off suitors but… that sounds like 10 different girls I know. Also, to have her be the one that Don is actually thinking about making things work with is anti-climactic. It’s not like I’ve been waiting for him to hand out the last red rose or anything but the fact that he would have to settle back down with someone was implied very early on in the season, and though it’s not spoken of or touched upon often, we know its there — or at least I’ve felt it.

We didn’t get to see any of Faye’s interactions with Sally when she took her back to the apartment and I’m wondering if that, too, wasn’t a bit of a mistake. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had originally written that scene and cut out (probably at the same time that they decided not to write a Don-and-Faye decided to sleep together scene) but this gives me hope in my blah-ness over her because it may be a hint that the writers aren’t too worried about giving Faye lots of screen time. They’ve already implied two important scenes with her instead of showing them so, perhaps she won’t be around for very long. After all, does SCDP really need a psychologist? Yeah, they probably do but no one except Lane really knows it.

Finally, I’d just like to point out that Faye represents a different version of Peggy. A more feminine version, what with that blond hair and those big eyes… she looks like Marilyn, but isn’t that kind of flirt. Just like Peggy she’s focused on her career above anything else and simply hopes that within that world the right man will “come along”. This is a concept which modern-day girls such as myself are very familiar with, but we have to remember that Peggy and Faye are in-between a generation which still actively searched for the man of their dreams (see: Joan) and one that did not (see: Stephanie). Interestingly enough, Faye keeps her New York/Bronx-ish accent while Peggy doesn’t retain her Brooklyn one (“a few more of these and it’ll come out“). I found the choice to keep her accent a bit puzzling at first (and it is a choice, by the way) being that the New York accent isn’t exactly as classy as the image Faye tries to keep up, but I believe it must come from an honest place. Unlike Peggy (and despite advertising herself as off-the-market) I don’t think Faye is all that devious after all. Don will be the one to break her heart, not the other way around. She’s a lot weaker than she pretends to be, which is probably why I don’t like her as much as the other girls, and also because behind that weakness there doesn’t appear to be anything evil (see: Betsy), which would at least be interesting. In other words, she’s not as exciting.

Sally Draper

Kiernan Shipka as Sally Draper (AMC)

Oh man, Kiernan Shipka. First of all you must read this interview with her (Q&A Kiernan Shipka – AMCtv.com) to realize why she’s so damn good: she’s smarter than me and she’s only 10! I know we often underestimate the intelligence of children, and this might be the case, but I have to wonder if I talked like this when I was 10 years old. Doubtful. Emmy nomination? Yes, please.

(SKIP IF YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT NYC HISTORY: Also, I’m kind of obsessed with any Subway references on Mad Men since I live in New York City and ride the subway multiple times a day, every day. Plus, I’m a history nut. For example, when in S3 Peggy talked about the cane on the seats on the subway ruining her stalkings last season I freaked out (can you believe the seats were made of cane in the 60s?!?!). In Sunday’s episode Sally is “riding between carriages trying to avoid the conductor because she didn’t have enough money“. First of all, we call them carts now; second of all, if the space between carts back them looked anything like it does today that’s a bloody death wish! You can easily fall straight down into the tracks underneath the speeding train, especially being that small! Lastly, did a conductor come by and sell you a ticket the same way they would on an Amtrak back then? So cool!)

The only thing we really learned about Sally here, is that she has begun to resent her mother in a very serious way. Not sure if any of you watch In Treatment, as very few people actually do, but I’ve been addicted since S1, back when there was a 12-year-old girl named Sophie from divorced parents who tried to throw herself into moving traffic. Sally reminds me a lot of this girl except a little younger. In her sessions with her psychiatrist, (SPOILER ALERT) Sophie realizes that she’s been punishing her mother for sticking around and raising her meanwhile praising and adoring her cheating and neglectful father simply because it meant she wouldn’t have to go “home” when she was with him. Going to see her dad was like an adventure, and what she was truly running from was the empty feeling of having only half a family. Not as if Betty is mother of the year, but like I’ve said before, she’s the one taking care of three children while Don is out getting drunk and hitting on college-aged girls.

[And finally, a moment of silence for Ira Blankenship -- you old hellcat, you!]

Sunday Night’s Theme

No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends. (HBO)

Female companionship. Who does a woman have to confide in in 1965? Carrie Bradshaw would say that there’s no one like your girlfriends, but Carrie is a long way from 1965… she’s still in the womb.

“Oh I’m not shocked by your lesbian hi-jinx, I just hope you know you can never do what a man can do [points at his penis].”

Joan has “lost [her] best friend“, as she revealed last week. She asked Greg who she would talk to once he was gone, and so when he is, she seeks companionship in Roger. Also, remember how poorly she treated Peggy last week after Peggy tried to befriend her by firing Joey. No thanks, girlfriend.

Faye doesn’t appear to have many friends, and is looking for a companion in Don Draper, but little does she know she’s barking up the wrong tree. She also fails miserably in trying to connect with Sally.

Sally clearly has begun to hate her mother and can’t talk to her, so she seeks out her father to bond with. She also shuns off Faye, who she has no interest in.

Peggy’s tries to connect with, Abe, who doesn’t seem to “get her” and so she’s left alone again. Her best (and perhaps only) friend might be a woman but ironically, she’s a lesbian. This is no coincidence.

Noticing a pattern here? Women lonely in their own minds with all the issues about what it means to be a woman in these times but no other women to talk about it with… and they do it to themselves! They continue to seek out men as their counterparts, well knowing that those men will have an even harder time trying to understand them. Delusions of grandeur. I hate to sound like a bra-burning feminist but Carrie Bradshaw has done my generation a world of good by emphasizing the importance of female comradery — a little something that the SCDP women of ’65 could have used.

Dear Abby, I need your help...? (AMC)

Yes! Yes, Don is trying! He’s really trying! Okay so everyone is trying, but Don in particular recognizing the need for change in his life is a huge advancement. Now, of course, everyone is also pretty much failing but, hey, acknowledging the existence of a broken spirit is the first step to putting the pieces back together again. Also note what a significant change in attitude this represents in comparison to the 1960 versions of these characters who were all so incredibly careless and clueless regarding the severe consequences of their decisions way back when. Sunday night’s episode, “The Summer Man”, had us deeply involved in the lives of four of our characters: Don, Betty, Joan and Peggy. Don and Betty took part in one drama, while Joan and Peggy took part in the other, yet each character also had their distinct moments of lone self reflection within their respective conflict. Each one wondered, deep down: What do I want?

Don Draper

It isn’t made clear in the episode if there is an actual reason as to why Don has decided to turn all “Dear Diary” on us, but I’m not going to lie, I felt it was a tad bit too obvious in its narrative for an episode of Mad Men, which has always been able to boast its ability to move the story forward with minimal verbal exposition. It’s not a huge deal, and it obviously won’t become the future format of the series, but I personally find reflective voice-over thoughts from the main character (which is different from voice-over narration) to be a sign of a weak visual storytelling ability (i.e. that’s the biggest flaw with a show like Dexter which I love but whose overuse of V.O. feels like a spoon feeding). For this one episode of Mad Men, however, I can deal. It just freaked me out a little as I’m not using to being inside Don’s head. His thoughts have always been the untapped source from which all magic flows and being privy to them is a tad unsettling — creepy almost.

Moving on, but still related to the journal, it was shocking to hear the opening line:

“They say as soon as you have to cut down on your drinking, you have a drinking problem.“

Not only was it the opening line of the entry but of the entire episode, which was also odd being that the words “drinking” and “problem” never seem to be heard in the vicinity of one another within the walls of SCDP or Sterling Cooper before it, and certainly never from Don. As the episode went on we saw how much Don was beginning to struggle with drinking less or not at all, to the point that even when it didn’t look like the presence of alcohol bothered him it began to bother me. When he opened that can of Budweiser in front of his TV set or when he ordered the Chianti during his date with Dr. Miller, I wanted to grab him by the neck and shake him and yell “Don’t do it!” It’s funny, once you know someone is so close to figuring it all out, I guess it becomes that much more frustrating when they don’t. It’s sad but I don’t think Don even thinks of beer and wine as alcohol, not consciously, which is most likely the reason why he didn’t have the same kind of weird out-of-body experiences in those moments as he did in his office when he and the creative team were drinking whiskey. (That moment was also an odd deviation from business as usual on Mad Men.)

Oh and seeing Don at the gym, and then walking into the office with a duffel bag instead of a briefcase with a rock n roll song playing in the background…? Again, things I’m just not used to. Matthew Weiner co-scripted this episode himself so I can’t really blame these oddities on a lack of control from the head-honcho, which begs the question: what was the deal?

Moving on to Don’s three important dates of the episode: Bethany, Dr. Faye Miller, and Jean Draper-Francis.

Bethany, poor thing is madly in love with Don just as any 20-something girl would be, and I can admire her honesty in telling him so instead of getting dicked around just wishing and hoping that eventually he’d love her. This is what a woman 5-10 years back would have done. Bethany herself points out that they come from “different generations” (a little more out of the norm in-your-faceness here) and we understand just what she means, although we don’t live in those times, because we remember that young women were not like this in season 1. So does Don. They didn’t “push as hard”, haha. Nice way to put it, Don. Yes, women used to let you use them up and ask no questions meanwhile you knew they wanted more from you but you never had to worry because they’d never push. I enjoyed watching Don squirm in his seat uncomfortably during this dinner, for a change. Instead of feeling sorry for poor Bethany’s unrequited affections, however, it was Don who should have been embarrassed. Yes, even if she blew him in the backseat of a cab. She knew just what she was doing with that.

Faye’s date was a bit shocking simply because I didn’t think it would ever happen. I thought they would finally make a woman truly unconquerable for Don, just to prove a point both to him and to the audience. I guess I was wrong. It was a bit of a let down, despite enjoying their chemistry, since I don’t particularly love her character (I think it’s the actress) and since I was counting on Don receiving as many blows to his ego as possible to bring him down to earth and help him recognize that he couldn’t just always get his way simply based on looks and charm alone. Plus, he’s hit on this woman several times in creepy and cocky ways which make her less respectable for still dating him after all of it. Just saying… Also, I wasn’t a huge fan of the cheesy Aesop fable she tells at dinner. The obviousness train rolled into town a bit too hard this episode. I was, however, thrilled to see Don take Faye home and not sleep with her despite her advances and his clear desire to do rip her clothes off and throw her down. Self control, check! Perhaps he’s already been brought down to earth through all the less than dignified occurrences of recent months. Plus, he only had wine at dinner, right? So maybe that’s all it takes. Good boy.

Still, the most successful date Don had in this episode was the one with his son, baby Jean. He showed up! Sober! He’s on the right track, now if only he could find a way to stay on it. I don’t think that it’ll be possible to do so without some outside help in staying sober (perhaps from Peggy? Faye? Betty?!?) because if we’ve learned anything about what Don needs since we met him, it’s people. Do you think he’ll join AA? Roger would collapse.

Peggy Olsen

For all her creativity, candidness, and accomplishments, Peggy is surprisingly dependent on the acceptance of others — I mean, she’s a leader, not a follower. Ironically, her choice to be a strong leader by firing Joey was just a pathetic attempt at having Joan like her, and have the boys respect her. She failed in a huge way on both those ventures, unfortunately for her. She’s so clueless and needy by the end of this episode that she actually gloats about it to Joan. She’s got to start learning from those older than her about how to just basically be a badass instead of a mousy ex-secretary. Despite that, Don was right when he told her:

“Believe me, you do not want me involved in this. People will think you’re a tattle tale. You want some respect? Go out there and get it for yourself.”

The only problem there is that when gaining people’s respect is your main objective in firing a person, it’s going to show, and its going to backfire. And that’s when this happens:

Joan: “All you’ve done is prove to them that I’m a meaningless secretary and you’re another humorless bitch.“

This is going to be a significant problem in the office moving forward. Particularly with Stan who has already butt heads with Peggy and resents her showing him up back at the Waldorf. Then again, I think Joey had something when he joked around that Stan was in love with Peggy, but this may add more fuel and resentment to the fire than anything.

By the way I’m so disappointed that we never again saw the guy that Peggy made out with in the closet at the raid in Greenwhich that time! I was sure he’d be back. Damn.

Joan Holloway

I think that since I’ve always personally been in awe of Joan and that hair and that body and that self-confidence, I may have missed out on the point in time in which she became a tad outdated. I also forget she’s older than just about every other woman on the show: older than Trudy, Alison, Peggy, Betty, Bethany, etc. If people are giving 26-year-old Peggy shit for being childless, Joan must seriously look like a dried up dinosaur.

It’s so hard though, to keep track of the “changing times” and morphing cultural perceptions on Mad Men, and for this reason I can understand why some people just can’t watch the show. I admit its exhausting if you’re not willing to put in the work, because that’s exactly what it can be. Perhaps you’re a baby boomer reading this who finds the show far easier to follow, but for a 23-year-old Hispanic girl from South Florida, if you don’t remember the feeling and flow of the era, its sooooo easy to get lost in the perception game. I bring this up because Joan got lost in the context of all this for me, and trying to decipher if she does in fact look like some whore in a brothel to these guys or just a voluptuous bombshell is near impossible to predict if you’re neither living in 1965 with them, or you never did.

That being said, the manner in which Joey treated Joan and the words he used to insult her in her office were something I was highly unprepared for. Joey is a different kind of sexist asshole than those of the late 50s and early 60s. One that does not exalt women for their beauty yet undervalue their intelligence and autonomy like the Rogers and Dons and Freddies. Instead he treats them like garbage straight out and forthright from resentment because they dare attempt to be on the same level as a man yet continue to use their physical allure to their advantage in getting there. In other words, Joey is a hater and a sexist of the worst kind. I’m glad he’s gone.

Betty Francis

Well well well, it looks like someone isn’t over her dreamy ex-husband just yet. After all she dumped Don after assuming she could not love him if he technically wasn’t who she thought he was. Now that some time has passed, she’s seeing that Don isn’t so different from the man she always knew, flaws and all (some heightened and more frequent), may have started to affect her confidence in her decision to leave him. She loved Don, but she loved more who she thought he was, so when he wasn’t that… it was over. But what if she really did love him? Well, I’m not so sure about that just yet. Quite honestly, I just think that she suffers from what Woody Allen calls “chronic dissatisfaction”. She is selfish and spoiled and wants the best of every world all at the same time. She wants the kids, she wants the stable husband, she wants the young and hot husband, she wants the freedom to live the single life he gets to, and so on and so forth. Betty is insane and the sooner she realizes that, the sooner she can do something about it..

Last Night’s Theme

The one thing all these stories had in common was a case of I-can’t-get-not-satisfaction, as the Stones so loudly reminded us. Joan can’t get respect OR friendship at work, but she doesn’t care so much about that, it’s the fact that she’s got to put up with their shit because her husband can’t support her and now that’s he’s being drafted she’ll have no one else to talk to except co-workers. It’s also quite dissatisfying that she can’t have a baby from the fear that she may end up a single mother once Greg is drafted and possibly killed. Peggy can’t seem to get respect OR friendship at SCDP either, the difference being that this actually bothers her, and of course she doesn’t even have the husband or killer looks to fall back on that Joan has. Betty can’t be satisfied in a good marriage or a bad marriage, she’s unhappy and unsatisfied no matter what her situation. Don’s most obvious dissatisfaction problem seems to be sobriety itself. Don does not feel satisfied unless he feels the whiskey flowing through him, and by attempting to deprive himself of alcohol he is certainly not satisfying his desires. However Don is also dissatisfied with Bethany’s beauty and honesty somehow — and on a physical level that cock tease ended in zero satisfaction as well. One would hope that Don’s relationship with baby Jean could turn into something that could satisfy Don’s desire to regain and maintain his family.

Oh hai, hunk. (Joe Manganiello as Alcide)

My reasons for watching True Blood are many: there are characters I absolutely love (i.e. Jessica, Hoyt, Lafayette), its a serialized show and I blog about serials, my favorite television series of all time was the original vampire drama (i.e Buffy the Vampire Slayer) so I like to compare, Alexander Skarsgard and Joe Manganiello make me weak at the knees, etc. I’ve also mentioned here how I watch the show as a writer because its a fun project in my head pointing out what went wrong in the writing to make a storyline so flawed, as this in turn reveals to me which mistakes not to make in my own writing.

But anyway, it looks like the time has come to say goodbye to True Blood, the show I love to hate. I very seriously opened up my heart and my mind to True Blood every week; you can go back and read any of my reviews to know that I never just went into an episode so prejudiced that I couldn’t enjoy it. In fact, I’m so proud of my continued objectivity in each episode despite its consistent shortcomings, that all in all it was as important for me to watch TB this year as it was to watch Mad Men or LOST. Most weeks may not have been exciting enough to truly entertain me, but there were a couple of very good episodes, with the highlight being “9 Crimes” 3×04. (I’m also still a big fan of Russell’s live television broadcast at the end of “Everything is Broken” 3×09). Nonetheless, fuck this show. It just sucks. I can’t deal.

So without further ado, here is my final review for HBO’s True Blood:

Jason Stackhouse+Emaciated Crystal Meth Head vs. Killer Hicks?

If I’m saving the best for last, I think its only fitting I start the worst for first. WHOA was this a fucking mistake or what?!? As the episodes went on and on I couldn’t believe this entire storyline. I’ve never ever EVER been so bored watching a “conflict” unfold in my life. It was like watching paint dry — without the fun fumes or pretty colors. Let’s recap what happened here:

• Jason flips out over killing an innocent Eggs and proceeding to cover it up
• He starts hallucinating out of guilt, suddenly decides that becoming a cop will absolve him of his sins (and actually does magically cease to feel guilty!)
• He Meets an inbred redneck anorexic rocks-for-brains crystal meth dealing Werepanther (hahaha) whom he falls in love at first sight with through no understandable reason which I could surmise.
• For some reason involving the Meth which I’m still fuzzy about, her rapist family tries to kill her… or him… or both of them, unsuccessfully.
• Finally something about her little community of Werepanthers and V sales goes down (it wasn’t crystal meth afterall??) where the DEA gets involved and goes to raid them except Jason helps them all pretty much get away. Did I even get that right?

My lack of interest in this was so intense I can’t even recall the events and I have serious trouble believing that anyone watching this show was sitting at the edge of their seat waiting to see what would happen here. Needless to say, this could have been a story about Weresquirrels smuggling magical acorns through the Lousiana swamps and Jason’s dreams of becoming a Park Ranger saving them from extinction and it wouldn’t A) make a damn bit of difference, B) surprise me. 

Sam vs. Kill Tommy

Sam has been one of my absolute favorite characters since the beginning, and that’s saying a lot considering how much I dislike the show because without him I wouldn’t have been able to get through season 1. As bored as I was with his storyline this season, I can at least say that they kept Sam consistent in his character, which I continue to enjoy. Why? He’s a good person but a boring person. He’s intelligent and self-made where everyone else is just a southern hick with no ambitions or education. He cares about everyone in his community and then-some. He’s lonely when he should have every woman at his feet, except no one in Bon Temps is smart enough to see it. He’s hot. He doesn’t exploit his supernatural gift or let it define him. The idea of having sweet, lonely, heart-of-gold Sam seek out his birth family this season was a great idea that went horribly wrong, however. All we ended up getting were more stupid hicks to surround Sam with: the last thing we wanted to see.

• Seeks out his parents
• Finds out that they are shapeshifters too
• Finds out that they are broke and alcoholic
• Gets stalked by them in an attempt to extort money from him
• Finds out that they are “using” his brother, Tommy’s, gift to make money in dog fighting rings
• Takes Tommy in, kicks his parents out
• Finds out that Tommy is (no surprise here) as disgusting of a human being as the people who raised him — and annoying as hell to boot!
• Kicks Tommy out
• Gets robbed by him
• Shoots him (or something…)

Yeah… either the bullet never hit Tommy, it hit him but only wounded him, or it killed him. Do any of these possibilities make you want to watch the show next year? I really want to understand how events like this could ever be enough to make people want to come back for more. The brother was a moron that no one wanted to see again — good riddance! And if he is dead then what? Sam is going to be next season’s Jason Stackhouse? The redundancy and lack of creativity here never ceases to amaze.

Lafayette+Jesus vs Killer V

Unlike Sam, Lafayette became one of my favorite characters later on in the series. I can’t be sure if his character actually changed or if he just grew on me but, nonetheless, I became a fan in season 2. I was oh so very happy to see the writers give him a legitimately decent love interest this season in Jesus. What with the disaster of Jason’s designated significant other, Jesus was a blessing. He was funny, he wore his heart on his sleeve, he made tortured but strong Lafayette smile, he took care of him. In the end, however, we didn’t get much more with them than we had already gotten mid season but I’m more okay with that an empty storyline that’ll never change anything or mean anything at all. Here’s what was up with them:

• They meet at Lafayette’s mother’s psychiatric institution
• Jesus makes a little personal call and shows up at Merlotte’s to ask Lafayette out
• They have instant chemistry which puts a smile on everyone’s face
• They sleep together, they begin to fall in love
• They do some V and trip out
• Lafayette can’t stop hallucinating creepy things and begins to lose his mind
• He discovers that Jesus is a witch who reveals that the hallucinations are a gift which he’ll help Lafayette use and control

I’ll take what I can get. So long as they don’t kill either one of them off I’m actually very happy. It gets really old when they don’t ever cut the most decent characters a break on a series, and they’ve clearly cut Lafayette one this season so I’ll give it one thumb up for effort and good casting.

Terry/Arlene vs Killer Baby

I enjoy Arlene and you can’t help but want to hug Terry. Their story this year was also quite touching since we saw the two find in each other what they most needed: a family. Here, again, we have two very tortured characters finding a little joy. Unfortunately the child they are expecting is not Terry’s but Renee’s which is a little creepy but not creepy enough since we only saw evil Renee for one episode and then he died. Since I remember Renee being pretty cool its hard for me to feel freaked out like Arlene is. Also… its a freaking baby, dude. Not a clone. All in all:

• Arlene begins to give Terry a chance
• Terry begins to open himself up and react warmly towards Arlene’s affections
• Terry falls madly in love, and Arlene loves him too
• Arlene discovers she’s pregnant but that its Renee’s and lies to Terry about it
• Arlene decides she doesn’t want the baby
• A wiccan waitress from work (say that three times fast!) gives her some magical tea which will decide whether the baby lives or dies
• Arlene bleeds out the next day, thinking the tea has spoken and she’s miscarried, but its a false alarm
• Terry is officially the happiest man in the world, Arlene is still nervous

Another “pretty low-conflict yet somehow simultaneously unresolved” storyline. I can’t believe even the good characters get shafted with weak plots. Blahhhh.

Jessica+Hoyt vs. Killer Obese Southern Mother

Swoon. I’ve got a crush on Hoyt in that be-my-boyfriend-not-my-lover way. Jessica is so adorable, she’s the True Blood equivalent of Harmony from Buffy and just as enjoyable. I believe their love more than anyone else’s on this show. In fact I don’t really think anyone else on this show is in love except Lafayette and Jesus. Perhaps Eric with Sookie but not the other way around. And certainly Terry with Arlene but also, unfortunately, not equally reciprocated. The interesting thing about this couple this season is that they were pretty much the only two that started off with a problem, and the season was used to resolve it:

• Jessica kills an innocent trucker out of hunger
• The guilt for her uncontrollable evilness causes her to break up with Hoyt
• Hoyt doesn’t understand anything and is heartbroken
• Jessica’s dead trucker disappears — later revealed to be stolen by Franklin
• Hoyt fights with his mother yet again over Jessica and she sets him up with Southern Sunshine, Summer
• Jessica gets a job at Merlotte’s and continues to feed on humans
• Jessica learns how to fight better with the help of Bill
• Hoyt dates Summer to get over Jessica who he sees every time he walks into Merlotte’s
• The two realize they are madly in love and get back together
• Jessica confesses what she’s done and that she will continue to feed on human blood… so Hoyt offers his own blood!
• Hoyt buys a house for the two to live in, which makes them both very happy!
• Hoyt’s mother buys a gun…

A lot went on in this mini-drama. Plenty of ups and downs; highs and lows. The way it should be! Overall the best-told story this season, in my humble opinion.

Tara vs. Kill Yourself

I was sure Tara would have to die this season, as you may recall. If not because they planned it that way, then because her character had turned into such an incredible steaming pile of shit that there was no way they could continue using her. The damage was done. As the season drew to a close I became even more convinced that she would meet her demise as they made absolutely no attempt in bettering her already miserable situation. In the finale, the writers made it very obvious that she saying goodbye to everyone. But wait was Tara going to kill herself? Suicide is the ultimate cop out! Plus she already tried that this season! There’s no way they are going to have a character go out with such little dignity, right? She cut her hair off, though. A friend of mine mentioned that Luke Wilson’s character did the same thing in The Royal Tannenbaums before he attempted to commit suicide… apparently its a common practice. If so I think its simply a red herring. If I cared more about her survival I’d have more to say but I don’t. In short (ahem, very short), this was Tara’s story this season:

• She tries to kill herself after Eggs dies and, unfortunately, she fails
• Lafayette tells her she’s an idiot, and she gets over it
• She has sex with a man named Franklin
• Franklin is a vampire who becomes obsessed with her, rapes her, kidnaps her, and attempts to turn her into a vampire
• She escapes from him but he finds her anyway
• Jason kills him
• She finds out the truth about Eggs’ death and it appears to bring her some peace
• She fucks Sam and learns he’s also a supernatural which upsets her
• She finds out her mother is sleeping with a married Reverend
• She cuts all her hair off and says goodbye to everyone she knows and drives off

Yawnnnnnnnn. Seriously, just throw yourself into the river. It’s fine. I’ll forgive you.

Sookie/Bill /Eric vs. Killer Russell

The meat and potatoes of the show right? Pfffft, as if. If I were to make a pie graph dividing the season into each of the storylines mentioned in these sections, the Sookie/Bill/Eric/Russell drama would only take up about 30% while the others would be around 10-12%. It might sound like a significant difference to you but when your main characters only take up 1/4 of the screen-time they become just as disposable as any other. I enjoy Eric and Pam, and Russell was kind of fun at times, but the rest of the pack was embarrassing. Talbot and Franklin? WTF?? And of course you know how I feel about that moron Bill. Sookie is only salvaged by the fact that Anna Paquin is a good actress but aside from that I’m done with these people. The final recap:

• Sookie hesitates at Bill’s marriage proposal, but before you can say “I bloody do” he’s been kidnapped by werewolves
• He is taken to King Russell’s mansion where he’s given an ultimatum to join Russell or watch Sookie die (still don’t see how this is a unique threat but whatever)
• Bill accepts the bribe
• Sookie looks for him like a lunatic, until he tells her to piss off, and even then she continues to look
• She meets Alcide at some point: a man kinder, smarter, and hotter than, Bill. (Okay really, why would they keep Bill around after this?)
• Bill senses that Sookie is in danger, he goes to find her, but she defends herself with some magic light
• She’s captured by Russell’s crew and Bill allows them to do so
• She escapes with Tara and Alcide and an injured Bill
• Bill drinks her blood and almost kills her (he can stand out in the light for 10 more seconds than usual too, big woop)
• They break up because attempted murder is high on the list of reasons to do so
• Eric kills Talbot, and in a fit of rage, Russell kills an anchorman on national TV to fuck with the AVL’s attempts at Human/Vampire peace (which really had nothing to do with the season anyway) in retaliation
• Bill and Sookie get back together for the 3423948 time and we find out she’s a “fucking fairy”
• Eric devises a plan to kill Russell using Sookie’s blood, Bill adhears — it works
• Bill turns on Eric and attempts to kill him but fails epically as Eric survives and returns to reveal to Sookie that Bill was recruited to trap and exploit her from the beginning
• She kicks them both out of her house forever and joins her Fairy Godmother
• Bill attempts to fight and kill Queen Sophie Anne…

First of all, you should have seen my frustration at the absurdity of the episode at this point in the finale, announcing: “WHAT?? Cement doesn’t dry instantly! Is he kidding?!? Is Bill mentally challenged?” I’m still so confused as to how this man could be so stupid. The simple fact that they don’t even bother “explaining” how Eric survived is an admission of Bill’s utterly hysterical and astonishing lack of brain power. The only truly cool part of the whole episode was Bill turning on Eric, but once I saw how he did so, it even ruined that, big surprise. And to top it all off I still have no clue what’s so great about Sookie’s blood. Seriously. Didn’t the entire season prove that her blood is almost useless and the only power she’s got is some repellent light? Sigh.

And did you see the “Alan Ball Thank You” at the end of the episode? That was the smartest thing I saw the entire hour. Alan Ball must wake up every morning thanking his lucky stars that more people care about sex and blood and cheesy dialogue than the ability to use their brains and imaginations. Good call, Alan ball. Your fans deserved that.

Good luck to you all who venture forth in your True Blood fandom. I wish you the best and hope that you get a chance to catch some of the actually decent quality series out on TV right now, too. Personally, I’m losing braincells and there’s nothing more that I can get from the series to make it worth it. See you around! Long live Alcide!