True Blood – 3×11: Sunshine of my life

It’s almost over. The end of the season for True Blood and the beginning of Boardwalk Empire and Dexter. Thank you, September.

Oh no! Sookie's fallen down the well... again. What now?!

It’s taken me a few days to get to this review as I didn’t actually watch the episode until last night. With this whole moving thing, I’m slacking in a big way. So finally, I plop down on my new couch, in my new place, with a mug of tea, in my PJs, lights off. You ever get to the movies so early that by the time the lights go down you have to turn to your friend and ask “Wait, what are we watching again?” Some variation of that is what happened when I pressed play and Bill stormed on to the screen belting that same old “Sook-eh! Sook-eh! Where is Sook-eh?“.

“Oh… yeah… it’s just True Blood. Sigh.”

Bill looking for missing Sookie on this show is the equivalent of Lassie finding out that Timmy is down the well, except in comparison Lassie makes border collies look cooler than vampires. Yawwwwwn.

Before I get to the bullets, I just had to recap this bit of dialogue between Jason and Trashy Hungry Hoe. It’s just too bad to be true:

Jason: It’s like a werewolf. Except… a panther?
Hoe: Yes.  A werepanther… I told you, I had secrets. You said you didn’t care… I thought you’d understand. I thought you’d be a man.
Jason: I am a man. I was ready to sign up for a meth dealer’s daughter.
Hoe: …Oh poor you, all I gotta do is marry my half-brother and let him breed me until I’m old or dead.
Jason: Uh, I gotta go… look for Sookie.

Hahahahaha. Okay, bullets!

  • Who was the bitch that “saved” Sookie down in the Fangtasia basement? One moment Bill is getting silver sprayed in his face and the door is locked. The next, some stripper that looks just like Lisa Nova is unlocking her chains? I missed the leap there.
  • Lafayette is starting to bad trip from all the V he’s done. Is that right? I think Jason did a lot more V in season 1 and this didn’t happen to him so maybe its something else. Don’t feel like trying to figure it out right now. Clearly, neither does Lafayette, which upsets Jesus.
  • Jessica and Hoyt. Reunited and it feels so good! So so soooo good. Here’s why I love these two, together and separately. Jessica tells him the straight up truth, not just about what she’s done but about her true desires, good or bad: drinking human blood. Hoyt in turn doesn’t freak out and have to “think about this” and prolong the bullshit. They love each other, fuck it. When Hoyt offers up his blood they also don’t go through the whole “no, I can’t let you do that for me” little courtesies that just waste precious television time. Jessica doesn’t say a word. She looks at him a bit perplexed, and then with bloodlust in her eyes, goes in for it. I personally find this hotter than any sex scene between Sookie and Bill ever.
  • Eric and Russell’s encounter was a bit odd. Why wouldn’t Russell kill Eric the moment he sensed him standing there? Why even allow him to speak in the first place? It was painfully anti-climactic to see Eric having to offer a gift to Russell after talking about the way his family was slaughtered… even if it was all a trick (?)
  • God, please tell me who cares about some random jock claiming Jason’s football record at Bon Temps High? Is this The O.C.? Friday Night Lights? They spent a good 7+ minutes on this story and the dumbass girlfriend on the sidelines bitching and whining… what in the hell does this have anything to do with a show about vampires and all the other much more important characters? Because the jock is on V? It’s so frustrating!
  • Tara. I still hate her voice and her bug eyes when she overacts, but I’ll admit the few times when she’s good she’s pretty okay. Particularly when she’s not sitting around feeling sorry for herself or screaming like a lunatic. Being that she did neither in this episode, I kind of enjoyed her. Particularly her conversation with Andy at Merlotte’s and later her conversation with Sam. She actually spoke like a normal human being and I hope this to mean that she’s letting go of all her hang-ups. Andy’s apology and confession that Eggs was innocent and turning himself in may have had something to do with it.
  • Sam really flipped his shit! WHOA! Calling Terry a “shell shocked mother fucker” actually stung me. I’ve got such a long time crush on this guy, I can’t let it go.
  • I liked Sookie when she was talking about going back to college and being a rich real estate agent. Anna Paquin is a very good actress, and she’s cute and has a wide range in expressing her emotions, but the redundant situations that True Blood puts her in really limits her. Especially if all she ever does is run, scream, cry, and act like a little a chihuahua with a pitbull complex while some big bad monster is in her face…
  • Arlene tries abortion via… tea? For some reason I didn’t mind this story as much as I thought I would. Probably because the wiccan waitress isn’t as annoying as I suspected she may become, and because Arlene is such a good but funny character. I always wish her the best. While I think this whole “murderous baby” thing is so predictable and silly, I guess considering what she’s been through I can try to understand. Looks like baby Rene is there to stay, though!
  • Tara and Sam have we-are-so-fucked-up-that-we’re-the-same-sex… again. Someone should make a montage of all the times when True Blood has done the talking-in-one-room-cut-to-fucking-and-moaning-in-another-room. It could be a five minute long video. Also was that really a bomb that baby brother was triggering in Sam’s trailer? What?!?!? He’s going to blow them up because he got kicked out? How does that even make sense? I know he’s always been a MORON but we’re leaping to murderer here and… you know what, I’m just going to shut up. Ugh.
  • Breezing right through Hungry Hoe and Jason’s plan to raid some crystal meth lab and save some people we don’t know or care about… if you understood what that was all about, please don’t bother explaining. I don’t care.

So the episode ends in Eric’s plan to weaken Russell which I pretty much figured out three episodes ago when the AVP asked Eric to kill him: Eric would never give up Sookie, so he’d just use her blood on himself to somehow get an advantage on Russell. Here’s where I’m confused though… how did Eric know that Russell would ask Eric to drink the blood first?! Plotholes? Reaching? I think so. Anyway… so Eric does and then he pretends that he’s not burning up at all when he’s actually only burning up a little because the stupid fairy blood wears off after about five seconds which is so POINTLESS to exist in this whole mythology in the first place. Eric’s plan is to kill himself, really? I know he’s ready to die if he has to, but he must have set up some hope for himself waiting in the wings… Obviously he’s not actually going to die, but I hope its not just some random last minute idea that saves him. He MUST have something up his sleeve. Eric isn’t stupid, he wouldn’t just throw himself to the wolves.

S1 Bill was well done but not dead (HBO)

Wait, I’m going back to Godric now: didn’t he burn up faster because he was so much older? Will Russell burn up before Eric does for this reason? Yeah, Godric turned to ash istantly where as season 1 Bill (who is only a couple of hundred years old) took a long long time to begin to burn away, and in the end came back to life just by being buried underground overnight (the first huge cop out of the show!!!). So if Eric is somewhere in between Godric and Bill, but Russell is closer to Godric’s age, then that could be where Eric’s salvation lies. No?

Oh and Sookie is bleeding out inside Fangtasia but Pam won’t help Bill feed her. Oh noooooooo! [insert sarcastic tone here] She’s going to die! What ever will we do? I’m so scared. GASP!

Four more days until the season finale. Mom!!! Are we there yet?!?!?!

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